In the 1982 film Blade Runner, Dr. Tyrell tells Roy, a biologically engineered humanoid with superior strength and intelligence: “The star that burns twice as bright burns half as long”.
Almost without fail, when a celebrity’s star light begins to dim and fade, the contract Gods, and planet Hollywood abandon dark stars in search of new warmth and nourishment.
The hapless depth some of the once glorious screen Gods and cultural icons sink is pitiable — the priced paid for ephemeral glory. We see Sally Field push pharmaceuticals, Jamie Lee Curtis plugging yogurt, and seasoned has-been actors pimping reverse mortgages.
When stars reach the outer edge of their tenuous existence, there is virtually nothing they won’t endorse for a buck. And the money’s good — from tens of thousands to six figures on product endorsements. Of course not all endorsements are from fading stars in financial desperation. Some celebrities, musicians and pop figures are just having fun and truly enjoy the products they support.
Here are ten of the Silliest EVER Celebrity Sponsored Food Products.
10. Joe Perry’s Mango Peach Tango Hot Sauce
“A lot of people know Joe Perry for the sizzling hot guitar leads he lays down in the rock band Aerosmith, but one taste of his Rock Your World Mango Peach Tango Hot sauce will give you something else to thnik of him for.
“Joe Perry’s Mango Peach Tango Hot Sauce finds the perfect balance. I opened a bottle at my dinner table, which was laid out with corn tortilla shells and all the fixings for fine tacos. Before I dug in, I tasted my newly acquired Mango Peach Tango by itself. The flavor burst I experienced was beyond compare. This is one of the finest sweet hot sauces I’ve ever had the pleasure of tasting. It took all I had not to grab a spoon and eat it as a side dish.
“With its medium thickness and the generous pieces of peach, mango, and Habanero dispersed throughout, there was no doubt this sauce was center stage. Long after I was full, I continued to eat simply to be in the presence of this sauces’ company. Half an hour and seven tacos later, my Mango Peach Tango hot sauce was nearing the halfway-gone point. I only stopped because I wanted to save some for later.”
9. Snoop Dogg Hot Dogs
“Rapper and actor Snoop Dogg is involved in several business ventures including clothing, automobiles, and sneakers. Now the rapper is getting into the food business by launching his own line of foot-long hot dogs. The Boston Herald reports that the rapper has partnered with Platinum One Media’s Franco Petrucci and Jeff Earp for Snoop Doggs.
“The hot dogs will be produced in Massachusetts and are scheduled to hit grocery stores in January. Snoop’s brother and manager Bing Worthington said, “There aren’t any celebrity hot dogs out there. Who’s the competition? Ball Park?….Imagine a long, skinny hot dog just like Snoop.”
8. William Shatner Celebrity Heinz Ketchup Bottle
Heinz has been an American family classic for more than 130 years. This special edition Heinz Ketchup bottle comes from a limited celebrity edition of the condiment.
The bottle reads, “Fixes burgers at warp speed/William Shatner.” Shatner was one of four celebrities who lent their name to the ketchup. You’ve got to be a very (and I mean very) special type of person to bring this to your barbecue celebration. I say…Beam me up Scotty.
7. Dwight Yoakam’s Chicken Lickin’s Chicken Rings
(Courtesy of boing boing)
Dwight Yoakam gets up before the sun shines to make his famous Chicken Lickin’s Chicken Rings (and fries), a recipe his own father taught him when he was growing up in a 100-square foot shack in Plastercaster, West Virginia.
Each chicken ring is breaded with a special mixture, the ingredients of which were passed down from his grandfather, Claude “Pappy Bowlegs” Yoakam, who handed over the recipe after a team of former Abu Ghraib prison guards paid Pappy a visit and convinced him that it was not in his best interest to keep the recipe a secret.
The chicken rings are tossed in a skillet until golden brown. This is Dwight’s favorite part of the day, and his lucky neighbors can hear him singing merrily as he stands over the stove.
There’s a new house beer at Carmel’s Hog’s Breath Inn. “Pale Rider Ale”, which borrows its name from Clint’s 1985 Western, made its debut at his landmark San Carlos Street restaurant and bar during the first week of August, 1997. “I’m not really in the beer business,” Eastwood said, “Anything that I make from this will go to charity, like Paul Newman does with his spaghetti sauce.”
Brewed and bottled by Celis Brewery, an Austin, Texas, subsidiary of the Miller Brewing Company, Pale Rider Ale will be introduced into the Carmel-Monterey area and then eventually throughout the West.
Pale Rider Ale Poster
Alot of names were tested at first before finally settling on the Pale Rider name. Everyone’s first choice for the beer’s name was simply “Hog’s Breath”, after Eastwood’s famous Carmel, California restaurant. That name could not be cleared, however, due to fact there are many other bar’s across the country with the same name.
Barley Flour, Ground Chicken, Carrots, Apples, Rolled Oats, Canola Oil, Flax Seed, Sesame Seed, Sunflower Seeds, Natural Peanut Flour, Natural Flavor. (Certified Organic).
Newman’s Own is a food company that was founded by Paul Newman in 1982. Newman’s Own Organics was founded in 1993 by Paul Newman’s daughter, Nell Newman, as a division of Newman’s Own. It became a separate company in late 2001.
Their motto is “Great Tasting Food That Happens to Be Organic.” And now for a meager Twenty dollars “Great Tasting” can be at the dinner table of your labradoodle or even your Bull Boxer.
4. Dale Earnhardt Jr. Big Mo’ Candy Bar
Hmmm…Big Mo’? “Guys who drive around in circles really, really fast have to get hungry. Is there a better way to satisfy that kind of hunger than with a big-ass candy bar, available with peanut butter or caramel filling?
Perhaps. Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s Big Mo’ bar has quantity, but not quality. It tastes and looks cheap.”
Sorry Dale, think we’ll skip on this one.
3. Sammy Hagar Cabo Wabo Tequila
CNN: Starting as the house tequila at Hagar’s Cabo Wabo Cantina in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, in 1996, the spirit grew into a popular premium brand, with more than 140,000 cases sold in 2006. Hagar says the deal will lead to worldwide distribution, which would be difficult to accomplish on his own. “I don’t like working that hard,” he says.
And this stuff is actually good.
Floral on the nose with a viscous mouth feel and a pretty smooth finish. We recommend that this be your tequila of choice when singing Karaoke you might even end up rockin’ out to some of Hagar’s own tunes.
2. Dexter Holland Gringo Bandito Hot Sauce
From the bottle: Hot Sauce really doesn’t have nutritional value. It’s vinegar and peppers, for God’s sake. What did you expect? Why are you even trying to determine the nutritional value of hot sauce? Just enjoy it!
I hope you enjoy the adventurous flavor and tingling tantalization of my not-so-famous pepper sauce. For over two years I have searched far and wide for the perfect combination of spices to make your next dining experience a zinger. And I tried to make it easy on the pooper, too. Try it on tacos, burritos, eggs, pizza – it’s like a party in your mouth. I personally guarantee it.
– Dexter Holland
1. Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt Energy Drink
From his website: Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt energy drinks are as unique as the man who created it. It has pioneered the way for nutritional, all natural energy drinks and emerged as many “firsts”.
When Steven Seagal traveled to Asia searching for the ingredients for Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt, he wanted a universal Asian character to summarize it’s energy and power. The character known as “CHI” stands for power, and energy in many Asian languages and cultures.
The name Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt was an inevitable afterthought. When Steven Seagal finished creating a drink that holds untold natural power, there was only one equivalent in nature – The Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt. Both mysterious and powerful, it’s a symbol of the untold energy the earth has to offer- Such is Steven Seagals Lightning Bolt energy drink.
1b. Rap Snacks There are just no words.